Amethyst Vs. Flannel

THE SMACKDOWN OF THE AGES (not really)

What a birthday, man! Everything seemed to be working. We all packed into a row and a half at the theater. The Grinch wasn’t an especially hot ticket on a Wednesday evening, so 70% of the audience was my birthday party.

Everything seemed to be working…except the movie.

The screen remained blank. The staff seemed unconcerned. Most of you don’t know this, but an audience that needs to be entertained is a specialty of mine. (Fun Josh fact for ya.)

With a shout, I bounded down to the front to reenact the previews. “You’ve had a first look at NOTHING, followed by the sounds of silence. Join the AMC movie club to get a two percent discount on popcorn, and enjoy the show.”

Still no movie. I went to check with the staff again.

The suffering people sat in silence. What could I do?

“Okay, here’s another trailer. Ahhh I’m a little girl, cowering in the corner over here. ‘Oh, I wish I could realize my potential.’ And then ‘Ahhhh, I’m evil over in this corner. Ahhhh! Arrrrgh!’ You realize this is the psychology of what you watch, right? And over here..”

Thankfully the movie came on. Jim Carrey did his thing. Wow.

The Gathering of the Storm

Afterwards, Marie said “Hey Josh, I hear you’re finally doing coffee with Sharon.”

“Sure am! On Friday. Want to come?”

She declined, the way most folks send regrets to a polar plunge or extra dental exam.

“Hey Leah, want to come?”

Leah just looked at me, narrowing her eyes slightly.

“Oh, it’ll be fine.”

The ladies looked unconvinced.

Just over a month had passed from the book club meeting. What an honor to stop by and talk about Cities. Now, the book is not political, and carefully crafted to focus on the stories from the halls, not the policies from the government.

But, most everything runs parallel to politics nowadays, and the subject came up. Had I a time machine, I’d have told my teenage self to skip the heavy metal and weird clothes. The best way to shock folks is to say what you think in an even, conciliatory tone.

It’s a testament to their hospitality and social graces that they were able to return the favor.

So we all moved on past the rather large difference, which is, unfortunately, an increasingly rare event.

“Sharon” mentioned that she didn’t understand my view, and was having a difficult time finding people to discuss the topic with.

“Hey, we should do that supper club thing I blogged about a while ago” I started, launching into a ramble about Jesus’ dining habits, bridging divides, free speech, and the usual hyperbolic tangents.

She took me up on the offer. We had coffee on Friday.

Right Mindset

Humility is a requisite for a good listening conversation. If I could make a rap video bragging about how much of a store of it I had, I would.

“Hey Jessica” I emailed a boss twenty minutes before coffee. “Aren’t we supposed to be doing the event on the second Tuesday of February instead of the first?”

“Actually, Josh, funny thing about calendars, the 8th is the second Tuesday.”

Durrr.

Prepared, I walked in.

Coffee Talks

Well folks, you’d be surprised. The “experts” say we’re hopelessly divided, that nobody listens, that we’re past civility.

Maybe.

But Sharon sat there in an amethyst sweater and asked “So, why do you think like you think?”

And I sat there in my flannel shirt, and told her my story: where I came from, how much I love the world, how I want people to thrive, what some motivations are, and how Jon Haidt’s The Righteous Mind book changed how I talk with folks. “Your turn.”

She told me about the work she’s done helping people escape the crushing, grinding generational poverty that’s too common ‘round here, her concern for the planet, and some things she’s worried about.

I was so impressed by her work.

We both marveled at the complexity of the problems.

Same Fear

As the conversation wound down, the kicker showed up.

“I’m afraid if the election goes the wrong way, we’ll slide into a dictatorship.”

“Wait a second, wait a second!” (The coffee had kicked in.) “Want to hear what I’m afraid of?”

“Sure.”

“I’m afraid if the election goes the wrong way, we’ll slide into a dictatorship.”

“REALLY?”

“Really.”

We had a brief detour where we each tried to present our case in facts and numbers, but those rarely convince. We each had “overwhelming” evidence that we were right, and that tends to end in either a stalemate, or someone losing a debate, but never changing a mind.

Returning to underpinnings and motivations, how we actually felt about things, we eyed the strangeness of the situation.

“I find it strange we’re worried about exactly the same thing with different actors” I said. “Not sure why that is…but seems worth pondering.”

The bell on the door tinkled as we walked out into the morning.

Thanks, Sharon. Let’s do it again. And hey y’all out there in reader land. You might try it, too. Nobody yelled. Everybody listened. I think we both have exactly the same opinions, but now mine at least are a little more honest, a little more road-tested, a little more nuanced, a little less frustrated with “the other side” (such a dangerous term.) And, it was actually fun. Sunlight is a good thing. It’s the cure for bubbles.

The only bad part? We forgot the selfie. I’ve found an artist’s impression of what Maria and Leah thought the discussion look like.

(But you can’t always believe your eyes.)