"I Do My Own (marketing) Stunts"
Tales of a former shy boy
Variety, man. Gotta have it.
I’ve been on a tear: condemnation of political violence, stories of miners crushed to death, leaving grieving family members sixty years later, strange poems disguised as observations…Time to mix it up.
Here’s a funny tale for a Friday.
The HR department hauled me in for a talking to yesterday. “Josh, you can’t make jokes about that.”
“Yeah, but they set me up…and the perfect song was playing.”
Being self-employed, the HR department is in my head. It’s a busy office, ineffective as a real one.
You see, it’s the R&D department, also in my head, that causes the trouble. The world is their laboratory, and thankfully, the legal department hasn’t been called in as often as you’d think.
A seemingly great idea pops up, and well, sometimes one must strike while the iron is hot, chips fall where they may.
Put another way, it’s job security for the press department, located in another part of my brain.
Mr. Urban was unaware that his date harbored such aversion to “your mom” jokes, and will additionally refrain from further comment and quotations of statements from persons of a female persuasion. Or…something.
(The Bevis and Butthead impressions pop up sometimes.)
Both departments work half days on Friday, and weren’t there to stop me.
***
The networking group is a collection of good sports. They’re astute on a business front, but still haven’t learned to anticipate a Josh.
To be fair, neither have I.
The leader whistled, and we all piped down. I sat quietly, listening as the elevator pitch introductions went around the room.
Insurance. Money back if you get sick.
Retirement planning. Let us know if we can help.
Social media management. Get seen online.
The Old City Cemetery. Uh oh. (R&D department perked up.)
“And we’re looking for volunteers to help with our candlelight tours of the graveyard. If you’d like to be an actor, we’ll be holding auditions.”
WHOMP!
Before social graces, good sense, or decency could stop me…
I pitched forward out of my chair, hitting the floor full length, phone flying out of my shirt pocket and skidding under a table.
I looked dead.
Sheiks, yells, WHATS???? as the room exploded.
“Ayyyy, did I win?” I leapt up.
“Josh, don’t ever do that again. I thought you passed out.”
“I was auditioning. OH you mean volunteers to act as the living.”
The poor lady picked her jaw back up.
Someone said “well, if you can lay there and be still…”
“Be still? Oh, forget that.”
And I sat back down. Like true professionals, they carried on through rattled nerves.
When my business card drew, winning me a chance to give my elevator pitch, I passed the opportunity on to a friend.
You know, because honor and dignity and doing the family proud.
Happy Friday! May you have a memorable weekend.
–Josh
I’ll be by to visit the chickens later, and make sure their flag is spiffy.