Howdy, folks!
How ya feelin’ over there?
Here’s a story. Only the Whip poor Will could be heard as the faintest hint of light flickered across the eastern sky. Padding out to the driveway in my pajamas, I was searching for the Jupiter-Venus conjunction. (They look close together.) Glancing down to Earth, I saw…It. A small, dark shape, about the size of a cat, shadowy, bold, heading right towards me. Training my binoculars on the phantom, the icy hand of fear gripped my heart. There was a white stripe on the black shadow of the skunk.. I stood very still. “Oh please oh please don’t spray me.” He came at me, and scuttled under the car right next to me, not six feet away. (Hey, social distancing, buddy!) A whiff of skunk wafted in the air, but he held his fire. I retreated as quietly as I could. But I still wanted to see the planets..! Aiming the binoculars through the pecan tree from the safety of my patio, bingo - Jupiter and Venus, two brilliant lights in the sky, seeming to confer in celestial wisdom. I went back to bed.
It had already been a long week.
The bees…They’re an Italian variety, and remind me of strong women of the same ethnicity from “New Yawk.” They tolerate me - mostly. Since they’re new, and busy as their reputation, there’s a jar of sugar water they drink from. I had relaxed a bit, and changed it out a few days ago without any protective gear. So I marched out in street clothes (no bee veil), observing they seemed extra active. “Hey ladies! I’m your sugar daddy!” All good. I grabbed the jar, and pulled it out. A dozen bees were drinking from the lid. Putting my bare face right up to ‘em, I blew them off the lid with a puff of air. “AYY!” In retrospect, perhaps this was like slapping folks at the buffet. Up they swirled, and one nailed me right in the forehead. “Oh, I think I’ve been stung.” Then the unfortunate bee did it’s “death buzz”, somewhere on my shoulder. Her life wouldn’t be wasted. I threw the jar down. “Ow! Ow!” Panic set in. I tried to use my phone to see the stinger. The buzz again. The phone went flying. “LEAVE ME ALONE!” Arms started waving. More buzzing. I ran in tight circles. The shirt was removed. More arm waving. Then running. You know, the height of dignity. My forehead was throbbing. OW! To add insult to injury, a day later I told the family. “Did he sting you on the other side of your head too?” mom asked. ….”No. My head’s just lumpy.”
Tough crowd, I tell ya!
- Josh