I brought good news and bad news to the writing group.
“Got some new bookmarks, but left the design template in the photo. It says ‘Safe Zone’ right over ‘What is the Cost of Safety?’ Figured you could use these to feel better about yourselves.”
A general chuckle rippled around the table appreciatively.
Someone’s sharp eye noticed the other side.
"Coivd?”
“What?”
“You wrote, C-O-I-V-I-D. You misspelled COVID.”
Hands outstretched, head thrown back, teeth gnashed…
“Oh, I suck.”
The horror author was quick with the stab.
“It’s a new variant. Side effects may include illiteracy.”
We laughed and laughed. These things are so bad, they’re good. Let me know if you want one of the “Koi-pond” markers.
The Good News
Rather boring by koi-vid standards, but still exciting…
I’ve got a newspaper column!
Today is the first printing of a new weekly column in the Altavista Journal, a local paper that’s been in business since 1909. Here’s what it said:
Late Night Radio–With Josh Urban
The Taste of the Mountain
Howdy, folks! Welcome to Late Night Radio, a brand-new column. Ever hear that John Denver tune of the same name? “There's lonely hearts in Arkansas, there's truckers in Des Moines, all there to keep me company in the early morn.” In other “words”, this is a place to tune in, read up, and find some company, no matter the time of day or night.
I'm your host Josh Urban, and I've done a spot of radio work here and there, and even some wedding Djing back up in the big city. (I hung up those headphones after a bit, though. The Bridezillas weren't too bad, but the penguin suits got to me.) Pulling a Merle Haggard, I traded the dirty old city for somewhere in the middle of Campbell county, and put a typewriter next to my turntables. I haven't crashed the tractor...yet. Pull up a chair, we've got stories to spin all around.
The bees got me three times. Right on the leg. My overalls, still too clean, are baggy. “Time out! Time out!” I hollered. Pops let the leaf blower throttle down. “They're crawling up my leg. I think I can–ouch, no. Too late.” Bees filled the air and choked the grass, their buzzing confused about the “bears” in the yard. It's the second year of beekeeping here on the mountain, and Saturday dawned hot, perfect for the honey harvest.
Bees make honey all day long, and they like it. Wouldn't you? A single bee might visit over a thousand flowers a day. Once the honey is stored in the comb, they fan their wings to dry it, then cap it with wax. A frame of honey is downright beautiful...and covered with busy bees.
Dry pine needles fueled the smoker, filling the air with a delicious scent that muddled the bees slightly. A few puffs toward the hive, then the honey box (“super”) is removed from the hive, placed on end, and hit with Hurricane Josh–a leaf blower, that is. The bees whirled out, surprisingly calm, and flew back to the main hive.
I was dumb enough to stand downwind over the pile of the dazed bees in the grass. Seeking calm and shelter, three found my overall ankles. Ouch.
Stings aside, the honey turned out marvelous. It's a dark amber gold, infused with blackberry, tulip poplar, clover, vetch, black locust, and all the other wildflowers the ladies found. The little critters are something.
The next time you swipe a spoonful of honey, close your eyes a moment. Taste those meadows and sunshine? Summer in Virginia sure is sweet. Just watch out you keep those overalls in your boots.
Catch you on the flip side,
- Josh
Here’s a photo, along with an article about Cities.
Things are rockin’ along over here…sorta. I’m still laughing about the bookmarks. Oh well, off to reorder. It’s the goof tax.
- Josh
PS. Something is up with these buttons, so I’m writing them in. If you’re not already, feel free to subscribe:
(It’s always free, and the paid platform is the same, + an “attaboy, Josh”…but that’s not why I write. Gosh, that attitude is so annoying.)
And if you dig the post, a share on social media is much appreciated.
Congratulations on the column, Doc! You’re killin it 🚀
Congratulations on the column!