Scenes from a Friday
“Believe it or not, The Little Drummer Boy provides important Biblical context.”
The little church ladies eyed me. The retired cop’s eyebrow twitched.
Welcome to chapter 48 of Things You Shouldn’t Say At Work, aka If I Land This, It’ll Be Legendary.
or Josh’s Retirement Home Standup Netflix Special. (Cancelled in advance.)
“It proves that Jesus had the patience of a saint all the way back then. Who else would smile at a drum solo?”
The little church ladies laughed and clapped. The cop didn’t shoot me.
“Thank you, thank you.”
***
Oh man, what a fun day on the road. I saw my veteran buddies and brought ‘em a Christmas special. And did Run DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis” as spoken word first. “So far, we’ve been too reasonable. And I’m…”
The guy in the front finished it, with mirth in his weathered face.
“And you’re not reasonable!”
I dedicated “Silent Night” to a friend who had passed on. “Remember Mr. Shank? He was always asking about my soul and picking a church. ‘Josh, you decided your affiliation?’ Not to be confused with my orientation, mind you.”
Bugger. Talk about a verbal cul-de-sac. Everyone leaned forward, wondering how I’d get out of this one.
“That’s uh…uh…straight, to be clear.”
One of the staffers caught their laughter–and their face–with their hand.
“I finally got on board. So this one’s for him.”
The Temptations sang about the first Christmas.
It ain’t much, but it’s honest work.
***
I read The Night Before Christmas with the aforementioned audience who endured the standup attempt. It was a way for us to feel like kids again.
Then I went to talk about the solar system with another place, and ended up delightfully sidetracked about Infinity, God, and about how I feel I’m sinking in intellect.
“I’m struggling with it–getting caught up in thinking. It’s like I’m at a dance with all these beautiful women, and I’m over here wondering how the DJ has the speakers wired.”
“What do you mean?”
“That I’ll get in my way of my own salvation.”
(I’m too much of a politician sometimes, so it seems decent to tell people what’s really up.)
And then we talked about Jupiter and it’s moons.
“Know what they’d call any giant squid they might find in the possible subterranean ocean on Europa?”
“European squid?”
“Yep.”
I snagged a gas station sub, then turned right on Broad street, till it crested the hill, slipped past the streetlights, and rolled into the night, westbound.
Home.
–Josh
Spinning Christmas wax in southside Richmond