Did you see it? The latest kerfuffle on Twitter and TV? Ol’ Chelsea Handler hurled a diamond through my window, and it’s not just empty calories of the usual Culture Wars.
The Point
“Yeah, well, spoiled weak people suck.”
My stepdad gets right to the point.
“Hmmm, maybe that should be the blog.” (If you’re sick of reading a family history before you get to a pumpkin pie recipe - a style on so many blogs - you can stop right here, and go to the gym. You’ve got the point.)
The Diamond
A comedian’s role in culture is to point out the absurdities, to awake us with a laugh before we sleepwalk off a cliff.
In that regard, Chelsea Handler dropped a video of accidental genius. (I still don’t think she realizes it.)
It wasn’t funny.
It had all the charm of personified curdled milk crashing a wedding, swinging from the chandelier, and then writing a self-help book called The Scrooge Effect: Go To Hell, Tiny Tim! (Bestselling author of “But Is Bitter Bad?”)
Her video: A Day in the Life of a Childless Woman
(Radio edit)
Wake up at 6 am, realize I don’t have kids to take to school, eat an edible, go back to sleep.
Wake up at 12:30 pm, look at my busy schedule of doing whatever I want.
Put on my most stylish, impractical shoes, because I won’t be chasing a child around the grocery store.
Fly to Paris to get a croissant.
Have a meditation sesh on the plane, because I don’t have a screaming child.
Achieve next level enlightenment, teleport.
And then there’s something about climbing Everest, inventing a time machine, going back to kill Hitler, (amazing what you can do with all the free time!), cancelling the babysitter because I still don’t have kids, going out with a hot guy I met on the app, and that’s the day in the life of a childless woman.
The Culture Wars
The ecosystem of politicians/celebrities saying something (anything), then the TV shows commenting, then the pundits commenting on THAT, and then other YouTubers adding life advice and rebuttals…well, I could get paid more by working at an actual sewage treatment plant, and I’ve have dental insurance.
I believe the culture wars should be fought, but have yet to see a warrior not ruined by the battles. Screaming shells of humans tell me how to live, and why to be outraged.
Yikes.
They sprang into action over the Handler video. As usual, people yelled past each other.
Kids make me happy.
Kids don’t make me happy.
Show me a video where you say you’re sad without saying you’re sad.
Aims and Questions
Man, I’ve been so fascinated by this conversation. I’m a childless man, previously by choice, and now - well, I don’t even know what I want. This video sure has made me think. Here’s a few things rattling round the ol’ brain - not to be taken as advice, mind you. My only qualification is the grease under my fingernails. I spend a lot of time working on the metaphorical car of life, but it sure is a jalopy…and still making a funny noise under acceleration. Kick it again. Did you bring the 3/4 wrench?
Is happiness the goal? Or is meaning a better one? Or are they all false idols? Oh god…is it God we’re after? Do we need Jesus (or one of his counterparts?) What’s happening to me?!
If I’m happy, will I need a viral video and late night show to host so I can hammer home the point that I really am happy? “Check out my Instagram for proof!”
I’ve seen plenty of miserable people with kids and without private jets, so is this even an apples-to-apples discussion? What makes for a good life?
Does the Freedom of Options equal Happiness? (It doesn’t for me, and I’ve been a low-budget Chelsea Handler for years.)
This idea of scrambling the traditional order of School-Marriage-House-Kids-Repeat seemed to be a novel experiment. Can’t we get everything that we want, when we want it, exactly like it looks on our vision boards? I’ve been partaking in this for years. Why, I’d be as rich and glamorous as Chelsea if I were as talented, and probably making the same videos. But I’m not, It’s starting to fray around the edges. I see it in myself, and the women I date. Many of us are starting to freak out, waiting on a train platform, wondering if that receding light in the distance was the last run of the day.
I love the idea of pursuing Meaning. But again, is that another false idol? Perhaps it’s in how it’s done?
There’s a difference between life being hard (it is), and things breaking under unnatural strain. How can I tell? I think I know, but…hmmm…
For Chelsea, I hope she’s telling the truth, and she really is happy. For those on different walks, I wish the same for you. I’m over there tinkering, dropping wrenches into things, and doing my best not to be a weak spoiled person.
Met a dude the other day who was on the 16th wave on Iwo Jima. Imagine the bodies he had to wade through. Said a mortar took out his buddy right next to him, and peppered him with shrapnel.
“Any takeaways from the war?”
“….that I’m lucky.”
Back to it. Let’s make it a good one, folks.
Wearing ‘em out.